Return of the Tyrant

Session 33: The Cup of Santiago

The party goes to a fancy dress party

We find our adventurers standing outside of Rodrigo y Portillo’s cell. We check the cell now that Rodrigo’s ghost has snuffed it. Granick pops a loose bar off the cell door. The bar is hollow with something rolled up inside. But it’s not a map fragment. It’s horrible poetry. Since there’s no map fragment we have to question the inmates. The guy in the cell next to Rodrigo’s is afraid of us and tells us the guards threw him in there but he’s not supposed to be in jail. We question him about who would know anything about Rodrigo, and he mentions Old Man Silver, just down the way. He’s been there the longest.

Old Man Silver talks to us, though reluctantly. He says Rodrigo was a bad poet and had no friends. Rodrigo tried to escape and talked about treasure — fool’s gold — men become obsessed with gold and it leads to their destruction because they go to the desert and get themselves killed. Silver says that Rodrigo has a piece of the map, but he’s not saying much else. Sindra asks Jeb for his wineskin and holds it out to Silver to get him to talk. He grabs Sindra’s wrist. He reads Sindra, rainbows, black tentacles, log cabins… He says he has “the sight” and Sindra has a wild curse in her. Nabila asks if he ever read Rodrigo’s fortune. Silver says no, but thanks to Vincente and his shiny Amulet of Truth, Vincente tells Nabila that Silver is lying. Silver relents and says he read Rodrigo but lied to him that Rodrigo would find the gold. Then he tells us a story about how he (Silver) got put in jail. (But that is unimportant and I’m trying to get this post finished soooooo long story short: his fortune telling got him on the bad side of the Baron and he was thrown in jail nearly 20 years ago.)

We go to the kitchen, and Jeb cooks up some food we can use as bribes to get people to talk. Nabila is frustrated that she can no longer eat nor cook food, but Jeb manages a palatable stew. So while we’re waiting for the food, Nabila pushes some purple lotus on Granick and he takes it for the first time. The expression on Granick’s face changes. It’s blank. Big Betty asks Granick what’s wrong. Granick replies that Betty scares him. Granick is out of it. Nabila asks him basic questions such as “Do you know your name?” “Do you know what year it is?” but Granick’s answers are a resounding NO. So then Nabila offers to make him some magic mushroom tea. It has little effect on Granick, but then K wants some. It doesn’t do much to K either. Yaay for saving throws. Jeb, however, is disgusted with this drug pushing and tells Nabila off for it. They should be finding this cup, not bending their brains with drugs.

We take the stew to Silver who has no more information for us, so we have to rely on the horrible poem to figure out where that map fragment is. We track paces and end up at the well, just north of the gallows. There’s a slot in the masonry, and Logan uses a lockpick to fish out the map fragment.

Because Granick is suffering from permanent amnesia, we take him back to Silver’s cell and he reads Granick’s fortune to fill in a few gaps. He has mighty orc blood. His ancestors were chieftains, but Granick will be a great general. And someday he will know what true loss means.

We go out to explore the prison for stuff because we like stuff. We find magic throwing knives in one room. In a surgeon’s room in the medical ward, we discover a mahogany cabinet. It’s trapped but Logan tries to disarm the trap. He, Evil Whore, and Black Angus die from the poison gas. We leave them there, take the magic staff, and get out. A records room tells us there should be at least 30 more prisoners in the prison. The prisoners in the cell are all older, while the 18-24 year old demographic shows no young people there. Curious. The warden’s room has bookcases, a writing desk, and a canopy bed. A nice not-magic cloak hangs from a cloak stand. An invitation to Baron Castillo’s birthday celebration sits on the desk. It’s a grand ball to be held at the Baron’s villa in Puerto Mia.


We decide to let out all the prisoners and take them to Tonada to replace the crew members we kind of killed, since Captain Monterray was nice enough to wait on us for so long. Then we set sail to Puerto Mia. We should reach the town just before the day of the ball.

Puerto Mia is roughly the same size as Schwarzwald. Ranches on the edges of town, sandstone walls, and the tangy smells of spices and citrus. There are lots of people here and we’re not gawked at because we’re foreigners. We scope out the villa and roughly plan our party crash. We buy ourselves some nice clothes for the ball so we can fit in and enjoy ourselves. Sindra polymorphs into the prison warden, Granick is his bodyguard, Nabila is a ho, and Vincente and Androgynous Andy are servants. The rest of our party stay on the ship.

The invitation checker man greets the warden. Sindra’s voice is her own and she quickly lowers it and says she has a cold when the invitation checker man gives her a funny look. The Baron’s villa is off the chain. A magically amplified mariachi band plays. The ballroom is awash in beautifully colored ballgowns and finely turned out gentlemen. The floor is made of polished marble, and pillars have sweet-smelling ivy growing up them. The food is typical for parties, and Nabila stares longingly at the table.

Sindra un-polymorphs herself and comes out of the powder room, heading straight for the refreshment table. Granick attracts and old man named Lord Bainbridge interested in Granick’s sword (actual sword weapon) and then they go off to drink wine and talk about war. While Sindra is at the refreshment table, she’s approached by a tall, dark, and handsome stranger. She smiles and looks away, but then he’s suddenly in front of her and introduces himself. He is Armando Montego. Perhaps she knows of him? Sindra tells him she has not heard of him because she is not from there. He couldn’t help noticing her “dark beauty” and asks her to dance. She gladly goes off, leaving Nabila staring at the food.

Then suddenly a raven haired, black eyed beauty sidles up to Nabila. She talks about how the men make fools of themselves. She prefers the softer touch. Nabila agrees and propositions her for sex. The woman laughs, so forward! Nabila didn’t even ask her to dance first. So they go dancing. Who is the half orc? Is Nabila working with Tuco? What’s Nabila’s story. She declines to respond but instead asks the lady her story. The lady says she is trapped. Her husband is Baron Castillo. She was young and desperate when she married him and failed to realize what a swine he was. Tuco is going to help her. Nabila tells her we’re looking for Salamanca’s treasure. So is Baron Castillo. He is obsessed with it. He’s been looking for us because we have pieces of the map. The lady — Anamaria — says we can help each other.

She knows where the other map fragment is. If we can find some documents that implicate her husband in some bad schemes — like what happened to the younger prisoners at the prison — then she will tell us how to get the map fragment. The younger prisoners were sold to the Iron Ring and placed into slavery. She wants her husband ruined. She tells us the map fragment is upstairs in the study. Some men — being Tuco and what’s left of his crew — are coming to crash the party and we should stay out of their way. While Anamaria and Nabila are talking, the Baron makes an appearance on the balcony. The music stops and party goers clap for him. Then the party starts up again.

Nabila finds Sindra and Granick and tells them what happened. As we’re walking towards the stairway, a pretty elven girl approaches Granick and starts digging for gold. Granick tells her she’s a skank, and she storms off. “Gasp! That’s Lolita Ortega! Every man would give their arm to be with her,” says one shocked party goer. Not our Granick. He likes his women thick.

There’s a loud cry over the music. Windows shatter. Heavily armed men come in from either side of the ballroom, and Tuco’s familiar half orc face is among them. Guards pour out, guests run around screaming. Our path to the study is clear. The door is locked, and Nabila discovers it’s trapped as a poison dart shoots out of the smiling mouth underneath the doorknob. It doesn’t hurt her because she’s dead, yaay, so then she casts Detect Traps as we go into the study. The room is very nicely apportioned with lots of dark wood and leather with bookcases and a magic shelf in the far corner of the room.

We find a strongbox and knock it open. Gold, a magic potion, jewelry, and a false bottom. The map fragment is in the bottom. We have the final piece of the map. We can find that treasure. The bottom drawer of the desk is locked, but Sindra knocks it open and we pull out ledgers and letters and other incriminating, damning evidence for Anamaria. The baron is a pretty shady dude. Maybe in another life we would have teamed up with him (if not killed him) and compared crimes and laughed heartily over some wine and cheese. Ha ha you took land bribes? You sold men into slavery? Fair play, my good man.

Sindra manages to successfully cast feather fall on five people and we escape out of a window. There is total chaos. We spot Anamaria and give her the papers she wanted. We also warn her about Adivion Adrissant and invite her to come with us. Sindra asks her about Armando, and Anamaria tells her that he’s a male slut. (Right up Sindra’s alley, then!) He also is a swordsman but she’s never seen him fight.

Then we get the hell outta Dodge. We go for the treasure. From Valencia to Vulture Canyon to a big tree to a nondescript hill to a pile of soft, cracked earth and a pile of stones. Just north of us are about half a dozen men that have been following us. One is Tuco, the rest are his bandit boys we didn’t kill earlier. Tuco says we’re fools. We were followed and he was following the people following us. We see another group of men, wearing the colors of the Baron’s elite guard. Anamaria turned in the evidence against her husband and now he is an outlaw, too.

Sindra detects magic in the air and to the west of us is a lone figure who dispelled an invisibility spell. Why it’s the gold digger Lolita Ortega. She asks us if we’ve found the treasure and insults Sindra the Drow Elf. Sindra insults her back. The Baron’s men head toward us. Quickly we team up with Tuco and his men by offering him half the treasure. Tuco agrees.

During the fight, K falls to a fireball, and we decide not to reincarnate him a second time.

After the fight, Tuco asks if we’re finished fighting. He chops off the Baron’s head and tosses it at his men. Then he walks over to Granick, who has been incapacitated by a dust of sneezing and choking, and cold cocks him in the face, knocking Granick out. Now, Tuco says, they’re even.

We loot the bodies and then go for the stones. We have Betty remove the rocks because she’s such a hulk with her new fire giant strength. She stops and gasps and gets out of the way. A sad looking dwarf in old prospector’s clothes screams GOLD! GOLD! GOOOOOOOOLD! a few times. It’s the ghost of Francisco Vega, and we kill it. Betty continues pulling up the rocks until she reaches a patch of hard solid earth. Tuco’s men have shovels (we didn’t think to bring any, derp) and dig about six feet down. They hit something solid, a plain wooden casket. They carefully open it. Seven burlap sacks each contain a raw gold nugget about the size of a man’s fist. The nuggets weigh about 100 pounds. Wrapped in red velvet is a gold cup that flashes and gleams in the sun. It’s two feet tall and made of solid gold. The cup radiates a holy aura that puts Nabila off. There it is at last, the Cup of Santiago that will lead us to Tar-Baphon’s Gallowspire and to Adivion Adrissant.

We give Tuco and his men four of the nuggets, and then they ride off, happy with their loot. We then return to Puerto Mia where Sindra somehow successfully recruits Armando to become a meat shield since we’re running low on meat shields. He immediately wants to know what the sleeping arrangements are, not wasting any time for a booty call or nothing. We ask about Anamaria, and he says there are rumors that she has fled the country. So it all worked out, then.

Nabila uses the Amulet of Sending to contact Oleander so we can take a portal to Schwarzwald. The amulet burns her again. We find some water in a secluded location and an image appears. Oleander tells us that a portal is ready and it appears for us. We go through. Oleander and Professor Scarman wait for us in Schwarzwald, but the portal closes and we are not there.

Loot: (I don’t know why OP is taking my plus signs out to underline everything. Retarded.)

two throwing knives 1
Staff of Withering +1 (six charges, 1d4
1 DMG) (Vincente)
2,000gp worth of jewelry
a magic potion (needs to be ID’d)
travelling spellbook (Sindra)
dagger 1 Manbane (2 vs. humans)
black robe of the archmagi
dust of sneezing and choking
bombardier beetle chemicals for explody stuff
6,428gp for three gold nuggets
THE CUP OF SANTIAGO! (worth at least 5,000gp)


date rape
identity theft
3x recreational drug use


Doing the lotus was Granick’s and our GM’s idea.

Session 33: The Cup of Santiago

That’s right.

And then inviting the entire group to sit down and have a drug party afterward? Shannon’s idea.

“Who wants more tea?”

Session 33: The Cup of Santiago

And I think Granick has moved far beyond ‘thick women’. He’s onto what we call SSBBW’s at this point.

Session 33: The Cup of Santiago

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